I shared a few memories about my Aunt Pat on social media last week because she passed away less than two weeks ago. Her passing came as a shock. My family (& everyone who knew her) will miss her.
I was hesitant to share memories about her because I am not used to being vulnerable online (I’ve only been sharing videos of myself for about two months). I didn’t know if those memories really belonged on social media, nor if I should share as many videos as I did (are there rules for grieving on social platforms?).
Most of the memories that I shared about Aunt Pat revolved around books, and people were surprisingly kind. I was touched that anyone would watch my videos let alone pass on their condolences. A mother even reached out to me after I posted a video where I talked about a conversation Aunt Pat and I had about a poem titled, Somebody Should Have Taught Him by Jane Watkins, which is about drunk driving featured in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul (I erroneously thought this poem was published in the original Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is the image I used as the cover for this video). This lady wrote that her daughter was going to get her learner’s permit, and she planned to share that poem with her to further caution her about the dangers of driving while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. It’s a poem that really resonated with Aunt Pat and me, and it means a lot that social media allowed me to share such an important piece with others.
Obituaries: A Subjective and Incomplete Narrative
When my mom and I read Aunt Pat’s obituary, my mom told me that death announcements used to be purely factual. Because they were printed in a newspaper, they had to fit on one page, so it simply listed the name of the deceased, dates of birth and death, their spouse’s name, their parents’ names, and survivors. Of course, now that almost everything is online, an obituary for the deceased can be submitted and made available to the general public.
Though writing your own obit is a common journaling exercise in order to get life back on track, when the time comes, our lives will be summarized by surviving loved ones. Even if it’s beautifully written, experiences and preferences may be misrepresented and people who were important to the deceased may be left out. Since obituaries are subjective, everyone who admired the deceased would likely write an obituary that mentions different things because we affect each other in nuanced ways. Instead of focusing on what you’re going to accomplish, perhaps we should focus on impacting the people around us. Every memory will be a little different, but if people remember you fondly (as we all will Aunt Pat), that’s a life well lived. Perhaps that should be the goal.
Rest in peace, Aunt Pat. We love you.
*This post also appears on The Write Results.
**The photo of the candle used on this post by Jarl Schmidt on Unsplash
